I Can't
by 52for3you16
Summary: Humanity was never sane, fighting against its own kind. Unless part of their kind was never really such at all. BillDip heavy, Transgender Bill, Mabel isn't innocent anymore, and 5 year age gap.
1. Silent Night! Holy Night!

He's gone, and it hurts.

His lungs are on fire from the running, the screaming, the crying, the fear drenched and etched into his veins, so much that he couldn't hope he'd find him, that he was gone forever. He knew that his boyfriend's new friend wasn't trustworthy. No, he shouldn't have let him go, because now he just might be gone forever.

"Bill! Please, please, I miss you, fuck, I need you! I can't lose you!"

He can hear his own words echo into the silence of the woods, his body fatigued, but the idea of the woman's hands all over Bill made him sick. He knew that he couldn't let the other go.

He wants to scream, to cry, when he finds the other, beaten, broken, crying. He pulls Bill close, sobbing as he runs back to their home, hoping that he'll make it, fuck, he hopes he does. He can't handle this, and by the time they make it home, he's dizzy, cradling the other close in his arms.

"Please, baby, say something," he pleads, and Bill only cries harder, curling closer to Dipper. They're both crying, intensely. It's not a beautiful sight. "What- what did- did she do this to you?"

The blonde, after a few minutes, finally nods, clinging to Dipper's shirt as he sits the other on the toilet seat so he can clean all the wounds.

"Is, uh- nothing's broken, right?

Bill manages to shake his head no, feeling worse when he can't even cry anymore, just stuck in the emptiness of it all. He winces when Dipper applies rubbing alcohol to his wounds, never meeting the other's worried glance. It hurts too much to see him like that.

Why was everything in his life so broken? The only stable thing in his life was his relationship, and even then he worried that wouldn't last. His chest ached, and taps at it for Dipper to see. His boyfriend understands the gesture, helping the other out of his binder, breathing becoming easier.

But he knew these next few days wouldn't be as easy.

They don't have sex that night. Or the night after that. Or the week after then. Dipper's too scared to believe that She didn't touch Bill in that way. Besides, seeing Bill's bruises and wounds didn't sound very ideal.

Of course, Bill didn't feel the same about the matter. He needed to be intimate with the other to know he still wanted him. To know that he still needed him in those ways. And all the waiting did was press the weights of depression on his back further, and he simply stopped speaking altogether.

But when a month passes by and Bill can't take it anymore, he locks himself in the bathroom and rids himself of the feeling, trying to keep his gasps and whines low as he thrusts his fingers inside of himself like the way Dipper would. Dipper didn't know Bill felt like this, and when he hears a distinct moan of his name, he flushes, finding the courage to knock on the door.

Bill freezes, trying to slow his breathing.

"Baby? You okay in there?" Dipper asks, voice shaky. He's extremely nervous, especially since they haven't gone down this road since the beginning of their relationship. It was like starting all over again.

"Ummm... I'd, uh. Be better if it were you."

The door unlocks, and Dipper slowly opens it, biting his lip as he catches sight of the other, Bill's legs spread wide with his fingers inside of himself. He managed to fit four, something only did that when he was really aroused. Or rather, something he let Dipper do when he was aroused.

Dipper hesitantly walks in, slowly sliding the other's fingers out of himself, then picking the other up, cradling him close. He takes the both of them to their bed, laying Bill underneath him as he sheds himself of his jeans, which were becoming very tight from the earlier event.

He slips his underwear off as well, but knowing that they hadn't done anything in weeks, he'd rather undress completely and make love.

He slowly undresses the both of them, kissing as much of Bill's skin as he can, pressing their bodies together, and when Bill begs for him, he fucks him just how he likes it; deep, hard, and fast into him. He rocks into Bill as he fucks him hard, and the cries he gets in return are heaven. Every second of this is heaven.

Bill comes quickly, much faster than usual, and Dipper pulls out only to instruct the other to get on his hands and knees, and he thrusts inside again from behind, pushing in even deeper, fucking him into the spot that makes him scream. Bill comes for a second time not too soon after, and Dipper holds back to drive Bill crazy with one last orgasm.

He sits down and Bill hovers over his lap, and he fucks him hard once again, pushing in deep as it all builds up inside of him. They cling onto one another, strings of each other's names cried out until they both come, Bill directly after Dipper. Bill shifts to face Dipper, kissing him slowly and messily, their limbs tangled together. Once they've calmed down, they cuddle close, murmuring promises of love into the night.


	2. My Faith Looks Up To Thee

Morning comes quickly, the sun shining through the window, the couple still tangled together, Bill snoring all the while. Dipper wakes up fairly early, smiling at the sight of Bill, kissing his face until the other wakes up. Eyelashes flutter, and Bill's eyes open, his tired pout turning into a rather goofy grin.

"Hey," Dipper greets, moving to kiss at the other's jaw, causing an eruption of giggles from the blonde. From his squirming, however, he quickly realizes - Dipper never actually pulled out last night. Bill stiffens and his eyes go wide, lips pursed tightly. Dipper gives the other a look of concern before he most definitely realizes it himself, and apologies over and over and he removes himself. Bill dismisses it, moving to lay on top of Dipper, cuddling into his chest. His hands rubbed circles into it as Dipper's arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer.

"So, uh. About last night," Dipper starts, looking up into Bill's dark brown eyes. "That. That took a while to happen."

"It did." Bill cuddles closer, ignoring the sticky feeling of sweat on his bare body as he pressed closer. "I, uh. Thought it was because you didn't want those things from me anymore. Like, I dunno. Like you weren't interested in me that way anymore."

Dipper immediately frowns at that, and he slides a hand up to place it on his love's cheek, stroking it gently. "Baby, I will always wanna do those things with you. I mean, I just thought you wouldn't want to because I thought she- I thought she raped you, Bill."

Bill starts crying then, pressing kisses to Dipper's lips and the corners of them, their noses and foreheads bumping to Bill's blurred vision from the tears. "She didn't, but god, she said she wanted to kill me. Fucking bitch. She's jealous that I'm with you. That's disgusting."

"I- I don't know what went wrong from when the two of us- she and I, I mean- were kids, but she's fucked up in the head. Why do you think I didn't really trust her?"

"I don't really blame you now. I just. I'm so glad you got to me in time. She nearly sent her friend 'Paz' or whatever after me." Bill sighs, closing his eyes as he nuzzles into the other's neck. "I am never leaving your side now."

Dipper smirks at the last sentence, pressing a kiss to the other's temple. "Not that I'm complaining."

"I love you, Dipper."

"I love you too, baby."

8 years ago...

"God, I can't believe we're gonna be turning 18 in a few days! This is so exciting, Dipper! I've gotta get out my emergency party glitter."

Dipper sighs, rolling his eyes at his sister's antics. He just wanted to get his Trigonometry homework done. "I'm not going to our party, Mabel. I- I met someone I really like. I promised him he and I would hang out today."

Mabel's face falls, and it's not to one of disappointment, it's severe jealousy. "Oh. Right. Wirt or whatever his name is."

"Sorry, Mabes. We spend everyday together as it is. Why worry about one day? It's not even on our birthday. We get the whole day together."

Mabel scoffs, glaring at her brother. It wasn't fair. Dipper was hers. "I'm going to my room. See ya, Dipper."

Slamming the door behind herself, she flipped through every book she could find on witchcraft. Finally, she found what she wanted: a soul binding spell. She and Dipper could finally be together forever then, right?

"Oh, my love, soon you'll feel the way I do. Even if it takes forever. We will have it together, after all. Hehe."


End file.
